That is where we are in parenting right now. It seems like consecutive moments of stuff that should end up on the editing floor of our parenting legacy. Coming up on ages six, four, and two, are trying times for us. It's not like we haven't had trying times before. Perhaps it's the small space for big explosions to occur or that we can walk out of our door and suddenly I feel like all the neighbors (especially the ones that just moved in that day....first impressions of The Lunsfords) can immediately witness and judge our parenting.
But really I think this would be the case in any scenario. We are in the best scenario for us after all. We are living out a dream that we truly thought would stay just a dream. The environment that I described in "Home in Heber" is as wonderful as the description, Our life could not be more simplified...well we could be Amish...but as simple as we are going to get. I feel calmer, we have more quality family time than ever, we are surrounded by beauty. This should all add up to peace and tranquility in our home.
The trip to the reservoir should not end up with everyone in tears. The excursion to the waterfall should not make me suddenly feel all too responsible for little life to the point of not enjoying the beauty around me. Do marshmallows at night plus allowing the kids to stay up to see the stars really have to lead us to near exhaustion putting the kids to bed? The trips to the grocery store, eating out in restaurants, preparing for the day, naptimes, bedtimes, eating period, no meaning no, and stop meaning stop, whining, crying, volume period, sibling rivalry, training, discipline, disagreements about discipline, sleep, personal time, marriage time, spiritual time.....it is so hard right now. It seems to be so difficult at times that I have to wonder... is it us? are we making this harder than it has to be? maybe we are imagining it?
But I have to realize that these are the bloopers. The same stuff that you want to take out of the movie, but inevitably the stuff that cracks you up in the end and that you hang onto so you can show what it took to make the movie. Who doesn't love a show with bloopers at the end?
If you ask my children about their time at the lake, they don't even remember anyone getting upset or crying. They remember the sand castles and the cold water tickling their toes. They cannot tell you one thing about their bedtime after smores and star gazing. My children think going to the grocery store with mom is an event, and they look forward to it being on the "to do" list.
As I look back at this time last year, I am reminded of some major bloopers with our middle child that came unexpectedly when we took away her pacifier. Suddenly, an onslaught of sensory issues appeared. Bedtime became a process that we dreaded each night, getting ready to leave the house created anxiety, and getting dressed was an effort. I was not prepared, and I know I handled it very, very poorly. Until, I received the tools I needed to understand and help Jocelyn. Remembering that time, the bloopers of the past, and then seeing where we are today spur me on to keep going and keep learning and keep apologizing when I get it wrong.
So right now, amidst all the change and activity and newness of our adventure, it feels like we are facing an uphill climb in parenting each day. But the final cut of years past prove that there has been fruit from the trials. I suspect that some of our bloopers have ended up on a stranger's social media page, and I will not be surprised if I find our family with a witty caption on a group page one day. I have seen what others consider the result of bad parenting from social media commentary. If that day ever happens, then I hope I will be able to laugh at it and remember it when we turn the corner of the trial that we are having with that child or with ourselves as parents. Or perhaps I will beat them to it and be brave enough to share the blooper reel myself.
Please Mommies, take a moment and look back and see how far you and your children have come. Bloopers and all. Whether you are traveling full-time and wondering if you made the right decision for your family, or questioning the school you did or did not put you child into, or having to apologize for your outburst from yesterday. You can look back and see the footsteps moving forward. There will be some steps backwards as well, but our children are learning and so are we.
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