Beauty From Ashes

Shiloh had an emotional experience while we were in Connecticut. She wanted to share it with others. We decided that a blog post would be a great way for her to reach an audience for her very personal story. We have been working on writing during school, so we set aside the curriculum for awhile and spent time drafting, correcting, and rewriting her story. It was a great way to learn while processing through her feelings. Today, we get a mother/daughter date at a coffee shop to blog.

Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness , a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. 


Shiloh's Story

When I was two, Daddy brought me a monkey. My monkey makes me feel happy and safe. I sleep with him every night. Monkey was dropped accidentally on a campground path. He was lost. We searched and searched. I felt sad so so sad.

After 3 days, I was walking up a hill. I screamed and cried because I found him with burns all over his face. My mama helped me. She washed him, She put joy oil on him and we prayed. I read Isaiah 61:3

and the words made my heart feel different. If you feel sad, I think this verse will help you, too.

Mom's  Perspective

It was difficult to watch Shiloh's first introduction to the reality that sometimes the world is just cruel. I am sure we can all pinpoint that moment in our childhood where innocence was lost.  It could have been a much worse eye opening moment, and I am glad for the timing an orchestration of these events for the hurt to sting Shiloh's heart and the tears to flow and the anger to overwhelm, but also the very tangible arms of Jesus enveloping her. The way that you feel the presence of Jesus in those moments that bring you to your knees. For me, I did not realize until many, many years later into my adulthood where Jesus was in those harsh moments of early realizations and heartache. I am thankful that I was could be used to show Shiloh the beauty in the healing.

I very clearly remember the screams from Shiloh when she discovered her monkey and the condition he was in. I had already ordered what looked like a twin of the monkey, but it turned out not to be a replica. However, I was content with mourning the mysterious loss, and trying my best to make the  new monkey as special as the old one. But he was found, and now my daughter was screaming as though she had been stabbed.  The charred monkey was cradled in her arms. I was just as horrified and instantly enraged that anyone could do such a thing. It was very obvious that he had been strategically burned. Not tossed in a fire, or accidentally placed too close to a fire pit. He had been purposely burnt for fun.

I was able to calm Shiloh a bit, and asked her if  I could wash monkey. I wanted to get the burn smell off of him, but I also felt like the stench of hearts intent on harming were on him. I delicately laid him in soapy water, and then thought to anoint him with some essential oil. My hand found Joy oil, and I added a few drops. I thought about the hearts of the kids that did this. I considered what I wanted to teach my daughter in this moment. And then I recalled the "oil of joy" in Isaiah.

Shiloh instantly noticed the smell of her monkey. And I explained that he had Joy oil on him, and that Jesus can turn a bad moment into Joy. I also told her and her sisters that we needed to pray for the people that had harmed monkey. Jocelyn was astounded that we would do such a thing. Shiloh began contemplating why we would pray for them. She decided that the kids may not have known what they were really doing. They may not have had any parents or parents that hurt their feelings. They could have had broken hearts and so they didn't know how to love. She was able to whole heartedly forgive, and pray sincerely for God to show His love to the those that forever changed her monkey's face (and in her eyes, physically caused him pain.) It was a beautiful, broken moment. I was able to peak into Shiloh's heart, and I was proud and I was moved.

It was still a process. Healing always is. Shiloh would cry, but then ask to read Isaiah 61:3 several times a day for many days. But she always told me that the reminder of beauty and joy that God brings made her feel better. She would remind herself and us that God did answer her prayer. because he brought monkey back to her. Jocelyn was worried for several nights that someone would burn our RV when we went to sleep. To this day, it is difficult for Shiloh to leave her monkey for fear she may lose him again and something bad will happen to him again. But that is just another opportunity to teach her to trust and surrender her spirit of fear.

It is a gut punch to watch your child hurt. And I cried several times in my own quiet moments. I know there is so much more heartache and confusion in the future for these girls, and I can only hope and pray that we navigate them well through each one. This was minor, but a first, and a monumental awakening to the innocent heart of my child.