Advent Awakening with Abraham

 Fear, Shame, Doubt it all hit me this week. Questioning some of my spending  in a season of financial uncertaintity, doubting my own ability to make wise choices and also God's provision. I am afraid I have completely crashed the Christmas Spirit . Pridefully puffing myself up in believing I have the power to destroy all that God has done up to this point. These feelings evolve into grasping for control. I have a fairly laid back parenting style and even more so  housekeeping style and and also the way my children are perceived in public. When I start tightening up in these areas and becoming overly controlling and stressed, all signs are blinking for me to take a step back and reevaluate.

Abraham 

The last line of our advent reading last night. (Genesis 21:107) "Because of Him, we can sing fa-la-la-la-la-la and feel what laughter does inside of us--it sends soda-pop-fizzing, bubbly joy all the way down to our toes."

I am not crashing Christmas Spirit in all my control and doubt. Christmas is not going to by-pass our home this year because of my unbelief. I am in it's very presence, and I am missing it. Joy! It's here for the taking. 

 Abram said: "O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?" 

God promises Abraham more than he can fathom. Abraham is asking small questions in the midst of big promises. And for a good portion of the fulfillment of those promises, Abraham won't even be present to witness it. (Genesis 15)

My relationship with Jesus is fractured when it is outcome based. It cannot be prayers being answered my way and promises fulfilled in my timeframe. "No weapon forged against me has prospered."  And yet, nothing has turned out the way I wanted.  The plans He has for more were better. The security system that He designed far outperformed what I had put my hope in.  And even still, it's God with us that matters most. Abraham did not see immediate results in the big things, he saw promises fulfilled in the step by step faith walk, and God's demonstrative covenant proved that God was with him in it the entire time. 

The end of my advent reading this morning. I was challenged to remove Jesus from the nativity set, and put my prayer there until Christmas Eve. Then put Jesus back in his place. Trust my prayers my hearts' longings with him, and also the peace of Him. Just having him in this life and in the next. That string of hope woven into the fabric of the Christ centered life