Advent Awakening with Abraham

 Fear, Shame, Doubt it all hit me this week. Questioning some of my spending  in a season of financial uncertaintity, doubting my own ability to make wise choices and also God's provision. I am afraid I have completely crashed the Christmas Spirit . Pridefully puffing myself up in believing I have the power to destroy all that God has done up to this point. These feelings evolve into grasping for control. I have a fairly laid back parenting style and even more so  housekeeping style and and also the way my children are perceived in public. When I start tightening up in these areas and becoming overly controlling and stressed, all signs are blinking for me to take a step back and reevaluate.

Abraham 

The last line of our advent reading last night. (Genesis 21:107) "Because of Him, we can sing fa-la-la-la-la-la and feel what laughter does inside of us--it sends soda-pop-fizzing, bubbly joy all the way down to our toes."

I am not crashing Christmas Spirit in all my control and doubt. Christmas is not going to by-pass our home this year because of my unbelief. I am in it's very presence, and I am missing it. Joy! It's here for the taking. 

 Abram said: "O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?" 

God promises Abraham more than he can fathom. Abraham is asking small questions in the midst of big promises. And for a good portion of the fulfillment of those promises, Abraham won't even be present to witness it. (Genesis 15)

My relationship with Jesus is fractured when it is outcome based. It cannot be prayers being answered my way and promises fulfilled in my timeframe. "No weapon forged against me has prospered."  And yet, nothing has turned out the way I wanted.  The plans He has for more were better. The security system that He designed far outperformed what I had put my hope in.  And even still, it's God with us that matters most. Abraham did not see immediate results in the big things, he saw promises fulfilled in the step by step faith walk, and God's demonstrative covenant proved that God was with him in it the entire time. 

The end of my advent reading this morning. I was challenged to remove Jesus from the nativity set, and put my prayer there until Christmas Eve. Then put Jesus back in his place. Trust my prayers my hearts' longings with him, and also the peace of Him. Just having him in this life and in the next. That string of hope woven into the fabric of the Christ centered life 

False Start

"What will you ask of me?" this is a line in a song by Plumb. When I am in a certain state of mind. It repeats over and over as a rhetorical question. I don't really want to know the answer. Interestingly when I first typed that sentence, I mistakenly wrote When I am in a certain state of mine. Perhaps that is me telling on myself. In a state of mine, I do not want to know what I will be asked, because I am fearful of what I may have to give up. 

Is life and scheduling and exhaustion getting in the way of Advent, or am I avoiding what the Holy Spirit will reveal to me? As I encourage you to lean in, I am tempted to do the opposite.  The wrestling patterns in my Christian walk are embarrassing. The outcomes are shareworthy and inspirational, but not so much the mess in between.

First, I avoid. If you send me a sermon, or bible reading, or book, it is highly unlikely that I will get to it within a reasonable amount of time. Why? Because you can't unhear, unsee, unknow something once you encounter it. And almost always an action step is then required, or at the very least a willingness to go deeper.

After, I get past avoidance, and learn the thing I didn't want to learn, I then say emphatically "No" to whatever it is. I am not willing. Sometimes there are consequences, sometimes I miss out, and sometimes there is grace. I have not ended up in the belly of a whale yet. But I have gotten close. And ultimately, I cause myself a lot more grief, and also others. 

Next, I edge my way into obedience. Full on temper tantrums and arguing and fussing all along the way. It is not pretty. 

Finally, I do the thing. And I bask in the peace and freedom that comes from letting go and the willingness to obey. I would like to envision heaven rejoicing in this moment. But I am pretty sure they are just shaking their heads up there. I hope this is becoming less and less of a pattern for me. However, the start of Advent 2022 would suggest otherwise.

Last night in exasperation, I forced myself to listen to a 5 minute Advent reading on my Dwell app (highly recommend). 

Isaiah 54: 1-8 Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband, says the Lord. Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back, lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger, I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness, I will have compassion on you, says the Lord your Redeemer.

And I remembered Galatians...the turning point in my relationship with Jesus, and sometimes remembering is all it takes to awaken and refreshen desire. I could write paragraph after paragraph on how these words resonated with my soul. But I would prefer to just bring Isaiah 54 and Galatians 4 to your attention. 

Galatians 4:27-31 For it is written: Be glad, barren woman, you who never bore a child; shout for joy and cry aloud, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman. Than of her who has a husband.

Now you, brothers and sisters, like Isaac, are children of promise. At that time the son born according to the flesh persecuted the son born by the power of the Spirit. It is the same now.  But what does Scripture say? “Get rid of the slave woman and her son, for the slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with the free woman’s son. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we are not children of the slave woman, but of the free woman.